When the family disagrees about care

Your parent cannot speak for themselves right now. One of you wants every treatment. Another thinks it is time to stop. This happens in many families, and there are steps to take long before anyone goes to court.

Who decides

Colorado law, made shorter. Each line links to the law it comes from, as published in the 2025 Colorado Revised Statutes. Other states differ; a lawyer or the hospital explains yours.

If your parent named an agent in a medical durable power of attorney, that agent decides. They must follow what your parent wrote and the wishes they know. If they do not know the wishes, they must do what they think is best for your parent. C.R.S. 15-14-506(2) and (3)

If no one was named, the family and close friends the law calls “interested persons” try to agree on one of them to decide. It should be the person who is close to your parent and most likely to know what they want now. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(4)(a)

If any of them disagrees with who was chosen, or with a decision that person makes, they can start a guardianship case in court. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(4)(a)

When stopping or not starting a treatment is being considered, the hospital’s medical ethics committee must help if the person deciding, or any other interested person, asks. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(6.5)

This is our plain reading of the law, not legal advice. In the hospital with no papers at all? Start here.

Steps before a court

1. Ask for one meeting with the care team, with all of you there. Hear the doctor together, so no one is passing on what they think they heard. Include everyone who helps with care, a friend or neighbor too. Family Caregiver Alliance
2. Send a short list of questions first. Put one on it for sure: who will make which decisions, and how. Family Caregiver Alliance
3. Talk in “I need”, not “you should”. Listen to everything before anyone tries to solve it. Family Caregiver Alliance
4. Bring in someone neutral when you are split. A hospital social worker, a chaplain or minister, a discharge planner, a hospice social worker, or a doctor can run the meeting or find someone who can. The palliative care team helps with hard choices too, alongside treatment. Family Caregiver Alliance
5. Ask for an ethics consultation. It exists for times when there is disagreement or uncertainty about treatment. The consultants advise and explain; they do not decide for you. AMA Code of Medical Ethics, Opinion 10.7.1
6. Try a plan for a set time. Agree to try something for a few days, then meet again and look at how it went. Family Caregiver Alliance
7. Write down what you agreed. Who said yes to what, and who does which job. Make sure each person knows what they agreed to. Family Caregiver Alliance
8. Still stuck? Then the court route above is there. Talk to a lawyer before you start it. How CareGoals works with lawyers.

Words that help

Lines to say out loud, written in advance. Change them to sound like you.

• “I’m not asking what we want. I’m asking what they would say.”
• “I need us to hear the doctor together, at the same time.”
• “Can we ask for the ethics team? They don’t decide. They help us talk.”
• “Can we try this for three days and then meet again?”
• “I love you, and I see it differently. Both of those are true.”

Want to rehearse first? Practice a hard conversation with an invented person. It is scripted, not an AI, and nothing you type leaves your phone.

Why the meeting matters

In a trial in 22 French intensive care units, families of 126 dying patients got either the usual end-of-life meeting or a longer, planned one where they did more of the talking, plus a booklet. Three months later, fewer in the planned-meeting group had signs of post-traumatic stress (45% against 69%), anxiety (45% against 67%) or depression (29% against 56%). Lautrette A et al., N Engl J Med 2007;356:469–78

That study was about families in intensive care in France. It shows a planned, unhurried meeting helps the family afterwards, not that it settles every disagreement.

So it does not happen to your own family

1. Name one person to speak for you, on paper. How to choose and name them.
2. Do the cards, then tell the others who you chose and why, while you can.
3. Check that your person guesses right. Do you guess right?

Do the cards

What CareGoals is

CareGoals helps you write down your wishes and practice them with the person you choose. It is a Care Wishes document, not a legal form. CareGoals gives no legal advice, has no account, and keeps what you tap only on your own device. This page saves nothing.

Sources read 2026-11-02. In crisis or thinking about suicide? Call or text 988, any time.