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Deciding for a parent in the hospital, with no papers

Your mother fell, or your father got very sick. Right now they cannot decide for themselves, and they never named anyone to speak for them. The doctors are asking you. This page is for today.

What Colorado law says happens

The doctor decides your parent cannot make this choice right now, and must try to tell your parent that. Then the doctor must try to find as many “interested persons” as they can. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(3)

Interested persons are the spouse, a parent, an adult child, a brother or sister, a grandchild, or a close friend. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(1.5)(a)

Together you choose one person to decide. It should be the person who is close to your parent and most likely to know what they want now. That might not be the oldest child or the one who lives nearest. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(4)(a)

If you cannot agree, any of you can ask a court to name a guardian. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(4)(a)

A feeding tube or IV fluids can be stopped or not started on your choice only when the attending doctor and a second, independent doctor trained in neurology or neurosurgery both write in the chart that it is only prolonging dying and is unlikely to bring your parent back to living on their own. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103

What you can do today

  1. Tell the nurse you are family and want to be part of choosing who decides.
  2. Call the others: brothers and sisters, and the friend who sees your parent every week. The law lets the doctor rely on you to reach them. C.R.S. 15-18.5-103(3)
  3. Speak for your parent, not for yourself. Ask each other: what did they say about hospitals, machines, being at home? The person chosen is the one who knows those wishes best.
  4. Ask for the palliative care team. They help with pain and with hard choices, and your parent can have them alongside treatment. Palliative care or hospice?
  5. Ask the doctor two questions about each treatment: what is likely to happen with it, and what is likely to happen without it.

Before your parent comes home

If your parent gets well enough to talk, help them name the person they want, in a medical durable power of attorney, so this doesn’t happen again. How to name someone · Practice being the speaker

If your parent is seriously ill or frail, ask the doctor about a MOST form before discharge, and keep it where paramedics will see it. Will the paramedics see it?

After a fall, the next step is stopping the next one: a fall-risk check. If a joint surgery is coming up instead, pack the advance directive in the hospital bag: rehearse the day.

This is not legal advice. Not in Colorado? Every state has its own rules; the hospital’s social worker can explain yours. In crisis or thinking about suicide? Call or text 988, any time.