You can do the brave, clear work of deciding what you want at the end of your life — and still have it missed, at 2am, by a stranger who never saw it. Making your choices findable and followed is the last, most practical act of care. Here's how to do it, calmly, ahead of time.
Deciding to focus on comfort rather than one more intervention — to let the body take its own course — is a legitimate, human choice. It is made with your physician and your care team, and it is yours.
You do not need a six-month prognosis to talk about comfort-focused care. You do not need anyone's permission to say, calmly, “I don't want that ending.” The hard part was never the decision. It's making sure the decision is written down, understood by the people who love you, and honored when you can no longer speak it. One whole town proved this can be ordinary →
A signed document in a drawer no one can find is a wish, not a plan. These seven close the gap between what you decided and what actually happens.
Advance directive, DNR/DNI, will, and proxy designation together — not scattered across drawers, emails, and a lawyer's office no one can reach on a Sunday.
So anyone who walks in — a neighbor, an EMT, a grandchild — sees, in seconds, where every document is and who to call. The printable card below is exactly this.
Many people keep the official form on the refrigerator or just inside the front door. Rules vary by state, and a DNR or POLST must be completed with your physician — ask your clinician what's honored where you live, and where to display it.
The person who would speak for you should know it, and their number should be where anyone can find it. Guessing is the burden you're trying to spare them.
Who checks on you, how often, and after how many missed check-ins they call for help. Decide it now, out loud, so no one has to improvise it later.
A medical-alert device you actually keep on you, and — if your state recognizes one and your physician provides it — a DNR bracelet, visible. The record does no good in a drawer if you're on the floor.
A printed copy in your wallet, and your proxy and preferences in your phone's Medical ID — the screen first responders check from the lock screen. CareGoals builds this record with you →
Fill it in, print it, and put it where anyone who arrives will see it — inside the front door, on the fridge. It doesn't decide anything. It just makes sure your decisions can be found. If you've done a CareGoals conversation on this device, your name and proxy are filled in for you.
Sometimes the system pushes back — a well-meaning voice insists you're “not thinking clearly,” that you should “try one more thing.” Clear documents help you hold your wishes. So do the right people: a physician you trust, and a death doula — a trained companion who helps you name what you want, protect it, and navigate the resistance. This is what community looks like at the threshold.
About 20 minutes with Sage. Name what you want and where your lines are, in your own words — and walk away with a document your family and doctors can use.
A trained companion to help you set your wishes down, protect them, and hold the line when it's hard — at Quality Death.
CareGoals provides advance care planning tools, not medical or legal advice. Decisions about treatment, comfort-focused care, DNR, DNI, and POLST are made with your physician and, where relevant, an attorney; the validity and placement of these orders varies by state. This page and its card do not create a medical order. If you are struggling and need someone to talk to, you can call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) in the U.S. — support, on your terms.